New Mexico (episode)
"Ahh, today's gonna be a good day." – Dan's first lines of dialogue in the series. "New Mexico" is the first episode of the first season of [[Dan Vs.|''Dan Vs.]] It is the first episode of the series overall. It premiered on January 1, 2011, alongside "[[The Wolf-Man (episode)|''The Wolf-Man]]". Synopsis After a morning of mishaps, Dan places the blame on New Mexico and seeks revenge against the state. Plot Dan wakes up exclaiming that today is going to be a good day; but as luck would have it, he subsequently hits his head several times on the lamp above his bed, slips on a breakfast burrito, stubs his toe, trips over an armadillo and falls down the stairs, and finally discovering someone has broken his car window. Left behind were cactus needles, red dirt, and a postcard from New Mexico. Dan then vows revenge on New Mexico. Dan soon calls Chris to find out information about New Mexico and how to "hurt it." When the internet fails to bring up Dan's desired information, Chris suggests going to the library. Of course, Dan starts a scene in the first library they go to and are promptly thrown out. At the second library they try, the librarian agrees to help but only if they help him get revenge on a man who his dating his wife. As Chris and Dan argue over the ethics of revenge, the man gets hit by a bus. Happy, the librarian informs Dan the best way to hurt New Mexico is to sabotage their hot air balloon festival. Dan has Chris take him to New Mexico, but Chris brings Elise along, much to Dan's chagrin. Elise reveals that she also has a grudge against New Mexico, but does not verbally reveal why. Elise has a flashback, revealing her hatred of New Mexico stems from a trip to the New Mexico State Fair when she was a young girl. A flock of road runners steals her cotton candy and a cactus pops her balloon. They eventually stop at a gas station in Arizona. After getting hit in the head by something that was being carried by the wind, Dan adds Arizona to his revenge list. As they finally reach New Mexico, Elise tells Chris to drop her off at Roswell. The two continue on and after getting into a fight over Chris eating Dan's peanut brittle, Chris hits a roadrunner, which they start to eat until Dan gets mad that there is no ketchup. They eventually stop and eat at a diner while Dan waits for a truck of liquid hydrogen. Dan and Chris wrestle the driver to win the right to use the nitrogen. When they get to the start site of the hot air balloon festival, Dan fills the balloons with nitrogen as he explains the balloonists' ritual to Chris. Meanwhile, Elise sneaks through Area 51 and steals a spaceship. Dan explodes the hot air balloons, interrupting the balloonists' ritual sacrifice. The balloonists go outside to investigate and immediately surround Dan. Before anyone, besides Chris who gets knocked out, can get hurt, Elise arrives in the spaceship and rescues Dan and Chris. Before they head home, Elise attacks New Mexico with the spaceship's death ray until Dan accidentally crashes it. The following day, Elise is driving home and Dan is in the passenger seat, Chris wakes up questions what happened, Dan claims that they blew up the balloons and Chris fell asleep and that was all that happened, with Elise reasserting this story. Chris is satisfied with the explanation, falls back to asleep and falls out of the car, Dan notices this and says "Bye Chris", with Elise responding with a "What?". As they drive away, Chris is laying in the road with Roadrunners surrounding him. Trivia * This episode and "''The Wolf-Man''" were both aired on New Years Day 2011 as the series premiere. *It is believed that in 1947, an alien spacecraft crashed near Roswell, New Mexico. * New Mexico is known for a hot air balloon festival near Albuquerque, New Mexico. However, in real life, virgin sacrifices are not part of the festival. * The Dewey Decimal System gets mentioned when Dan and Chris are in the library. * When Chris accidentally runs over a roadrunner, Dan believes that they have killed a celebrity. This is a reference to The Roadrunner from the Looney Tunes cartoons. * Dan slips on a burrito from "New Mexico Bell" when he wakes up, this is most likely a reference to Taco Bell. * The Librarian has a Masters in Library Sciences, which "expires in usefulness" in 2011, which is the year the show premiered. * Dan's backpack gets a hole ripped in it and all his stuff falls to the ground. However, the items completely disappear from the floor despite Dan not picking it up. * At the gas station, Chris wanted to get chips, crunchy cheese wads, chewey cheese wads, chocolate soda, fizzle sticks, and cocoa blasters but settled on a milkshake (with cookies in them). * As Dan, Chris and Elise enter New Mexico, a sign reads "Welcome to New Mexico" along with "Go home, Dan". This sign can be seen in early concept art for the episode. * Formerly on the Dan Vs. page at hubworld.com, you could view library cards featuring Dan, Chris, Elise, Crunchy, Mr. Mumbles, and Elise's Parents. * When Dan and Chris cook the roadrunner they ran over, it looks much bigger and meatier than it was when it was alive. * As Dan is abducted by what he thinks is aliens, he suggests they should probe Chris. * It's implied that Elise killed people as she destroyed various locations in New Mexico with an alien spaceship. Revelations and Continuity * This episode marks the first time we see "''Ted''" written in Dan's revenge list. * Aside from Ted, Dan's list also contains: "The Hawaiian Monarchy", "The Deep Blue Sea", "The Elderly", "Patchy Beards", "Cari Caturists", "William Shatner", "Maryland", "Hangin' Eli's Dairy Farm", "Beef Hotdogs", and "Arizona". * We learn for the first time that Elise is not what what she seems. * The running gag of Dan's car getting harmed in every appearance starts in this episode. In this appearance, a brick is thrown through the backseat window. * When asked if he would jump off a cliff if Dan did, Chris hesitated before saying "it depends". * This is the first episode where Elise is seen yelling the episode's title (Although, it was in a flashback). She would later yell the episode's title again in "''Jury Duty''". * It's revealed that Elise traveled to New Mexico with her parents when she was young. With her cotton candy stolen by roadrunners and her balloon popped by a cactus, she developed a grudge against the state. * The Librarian has a wife that cheats on him, it's unknown if the Librarian ever gets divorced from her. * It's implied that the man committing adultery with the Librarian's wife dies, as when he asks the paramedics if he'll make it, they assure him all will be well... Until they put him inside the vehicle and make a gesture suggesting he's done for. * Dan mentions that Chris has run over dozens of cyclists (However, on accident and they all lived). * Dan's beloved childhood teddy bear, Brutus, makes its first appearance. * Chris is unaware of the events that transpired after he was knocked out by the balloon cultists, as Dan and Elise chose to keep it a secret. Features Characters * Dan (debut) * Chris (debut) * Elise (debut) * The Librarian (debut) * Unnamed paramedics (debut) * Hot air balloon cultists (debut) * Don (flashback, non-speaking) * Elise Sr. (flashback, non-speaking) * Unnamed adulterer (debut) * Unnamed trucker (debut) * Unnamed virgin (debut) * Ted (written on Dan's list) Locations * Dan's apartment (debut) * Chris and Elise's house (debut) * The Library (debut) * New Mexico (debut) * New Mexico Military Base (debut) * Gas Mart (debut) * New Mexico State Fair (debut) Objects * Dan's car (debut) * Chris' car (debut) * Brutus (debut) * Dan's Revenge List (debut) * Hot air balloons (debut) * Alien spaceship (debut) Quotes "Don't shush me! You don't shush me! NOBODY SHUSHES ME!" – Dan. when Chris shushes him in the library. "There's an old saying; 'Revenge is a dish best served immediately.'" – Dan "How do we hurt New Mexico?" "Why would you want to do that?" "It's personal." "Personal vendettas against states? Sure, right over there in the do-it-yourself section." "Thank you good sir, I-- Wait a minute!!!" – Dan and the Librarian. "I just knew it! Librarians are jerks!" – Dan, when the Librarian wants a favor. "You see that goon over there? He's got a new girlfriend! It's my wife..." – The Librarian "So he walks away? I wonder if he knows how lucky he is." – Dan, right before the adulterer is hit by a bus. "Hey, you date a married woman, you get hit by a bus! Karma." – Dan, explaining how karma works. "Devil's throne, New Mexico... Devil's Washbasin, New Mexico... Devil's Highway, New Mexico... See Chris, evil!" "That doesn't prove anything." "It proves the devil keeps a bunch of his stuff there!" – Dan, reading various locations in New Mexico. "Keep your filthy tentacles off my-" – Dan, when he and Chris are abducted by Elise. "Holy Toledo!" "There's nothing holy about Tol-" – Elise and Dan, right before the spaceship crashes. "(giggles) Bye Chris!" – Dan, when Chris falls out the car at the end of the episode. Gallery View the episode's gallery here! ] Transcript View the episode's transcript here! Promos * The first promo is a trailer advertising the series with zero clips. Just Dan standing with a white background behind him while he making comments about what the Narrator is saying about him and the show. Assumingly released around late 2010. * The second promo is another trailer advertising the show, but with clips from various episodes including one from New Mexico. It was released on The Hub's YouTube channel on December 30, 2010. References Category:Episodes Category:Season One Episodes